How to Write a Grad Paper

The way they tell me to write a grad paper 1. Explain the history of the problem (3-ish pages)

2. The problem/ "Thesis" (1 page)

3. Testing it out/Test it against text (12-ish pages)

4. How does this change things (3 pages)


The way I write a grad paper (in 20 steps)

1. Gather materials from the library (minus 3 books because I can't find them).

2. Discover google scholar. Try to find remaining materials but find nothing.

2. Cry.

3. Check my Facebook to see if my friends have written their papers yet.

4. Realize they have.

5. Take funny pictures of myself to send to my friends who have already done their work.

6. Look at my sources and cover them all in post-it notes.

7. Type up the sources I need.

8. Eat a Lean Cuisine.

Day 10

9. Look at my sources.

10. Cuddle in my blanket and pray I don't have to write it.

11. Get drunk & come up with thesis.

12. Write thesis down.

Day 40

13. Oh no.....


15. Whew. Drink coffee. 2 am. Done?

16. Create Works Cited.

17. Print.

18. Have my MFA friends edit my paper.

19. Cry.

20. Hand it in.


First Day of Class Laughs

This is how I felt after I got done teaching

My (not actual) reaction when a student sends me an improperly formatted email after I've gone over the syllabus. And then they get mad when I refuse to respond:

When someone tells me they hate English I pretend to feel like this:

How I really feel:

What I feel like when I have to wake up at 6 am so I can teach: